Stay busy, get plenty of exercise. . .

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.

You’re not drunk if you can . . .

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Don’t drink and drive . . .

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

An alcoholic is someone you don’t . . .

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.

Always remember that I have taken more. . .

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Batman's Mom

Batman's Mom:
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance will be!

Mary's Mom

Mary's Mom:
"I'm not upset the you lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"

Barney's Mom

Barney's Mom
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple!"

Abraham Lincoln's Mom

Abraham Lincoln's Mom
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

When you are a mother. . .

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

The moment a child is born

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Get ur facts first and then u can distort them as much as u please.

Get ur facts first and then u can distort them as much as u please.

Don't part with ur illusions. When they are gone u may still exist but u have ceased to live.

Don't part with ur illusions. When they are gone u may still exist but u have ceased to live.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.