Stay busy, get plenty of exercise. . .

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.

You’re not drunk if you can . . .

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Don’t drink and drive . . .

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

An alcoholic is someone you don’t . . .

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.

Always remember that I have taken more. . .

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Batman's Mom

Batman's Mom:
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance will be!

Mary's Mom

Mary's Mom:
"I'm not upset the you lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"